I Graduated!!! And Parenting is Hard :(

Today I graduated from my doula program!!  Yayyyy!!!  

The ceremony was so wonderful and community-based.  There were speeches from family and friends, lots of tears, and wonderful home cooking.  I am so proud to have been a part of that class.

Now, I have no excuses.  This is it.  The next frontier of my life.  Nothing holding me back. 

I am feeling elated about that.

But that elation is tempered by the pounding in my nose.  Amani and I are battling.  How do you teach a 2 year old better ways of dealing with anger without modeling bad behavior?  How do you not get angry when they do shit like throw things at your face?  Right now, I think my nose may be broken.  Parenting is hard, and it's even harder when you opt not to use corporal punishment.  Especially, when spankings were a part of your own upbringing, and even, arguably, a part of your culture.  But I'm working really hard not to be that parent.  So I have to take a step back and figure out what the bigger issue is that's causing him to act out.

Really, I think Amani's behavior is the result of two things:  attention and diet.  First, I know his diet has not been remarkable.  And neither has ours.  Times are hard, money is tight, and buying great food is not always easy.  But we're making do, and that's a pretty easy fix, I think. 

 The other big thing is attention.  My son is an only child of a stay-at-home attachment parent.  He is used to being the center of attention.  As of late, however, I have had so much on my plate.  Often he will want to play, and I will be doing something else.  And he acts out.  Because he's not used to mommy doing other things.  But we all have to adjust.  

It's difficult for me to realize this.  Noone wants to feel that they're neglecting their child.  But I also don't want him to feel neglected.  And as tired as I am, I have to be willing to honor his feelings.  How do I make it work?  How do I pursue my goals and dreams, and still be the mommy he wants and needs me to be?  That, I think, will be my struggle in the coming year.  This year will be one of such transition, such big change and forward movement for me.  I'll have to figure out ways to still include him in that, to still give him the attention he needs.  

Ahh, The joys and trials of parenting.

Kids are amazing.

They are satisfied with the simplest things.

I had a whole day of activities planned for Amani and me.  We were going to see the animals and exhibits at the Fernbank Science Center, then go to Barnes and NOble to play with the trains, hit the park for a bit, then do the Stuidoplex Art Walk.  Instead, he just wanted to play football and soccer in the front yard, jump and play in the fallen leaves, play with sticks, and pretend to drive the car.  He had absolutely no interest in actually leaving our driveway.  And he ahd a ball.

What happens to us?  What age is it when nothing is ever enough?  When we're no longer able to appreciate the simplest things in life?  Where does that joy go?