I Graduated!!! And Parenting is Hard :(

Today I graduated from my doula program!!  Yayyyy!!!  

The ceremony was so wonderful and community-based.  There were speeches from family and friends, lots of tears, and wonderful home cooking.  I am so proud to have been a part of that class.

Now, I have no excuses.  This is it.  The next frontier of my life.  Nothing holding me back. 

I am feeling elated about that.

But that elation is tempered by the pounding in my nose.  Amani and I are battling.  How do you teach a 2 year old better ways of dealing with anger without modeling bad behavior?  How do you not get angry when they do shit like throw things at your face?  Right now, I think my nose may be broken.  Parenting is hard, and it's even harder when you opt not to use corporal punishment.  Especially, when spankings were a part of your own upbringing, and even, arguably, a part of your culture.  But I'm working really hard not to be that parent.  So I have to take a step back and figure out what the bigger issue is that's causing him to act out.

Really, I think Amani's behavior is the result of two things:  attention and diet.  First, I know his diet has not been remarkable.  And neither has ours.  Times are hard, money is tight, and buying great food is not always easy.  But we're making do, and that's a pretty easy fix, I think. 

 The other big thing is attention.  My son is an only child of a stay-at-home attachment parent.  He is used to being the center of attention.  As of late, however, I have had so much on my plate.  Often he will want to play, and I will be doing something else.  And he acts out.  Because he's not used to mommy doing other things.  But we all have to adjust.  

It's difficult for me to realize this.  Noone wants to feel that they're neglecting their child.  But I also don't want him to feel neglected.  And as tired as I am, I have to be willing to honor his feelings.  How do I make it work?  How do I pursue my goals and dreams, and still be the mommy he wants and needs me to be?  That, I think, will be my struggle in the coming year.  This year will be one of such transition, such big change and forward movement for me.  I'll have to figure out ways to still include him in that, to still give him the attention he needs.  

Ahh, The joys and trials of parenting.

Kids are amazing.

They are satisfied with the simplest things.

I had a whole day of activities planned for Amani and me.  We were going to see the animals and exhibits at the Fernbank Science Center, then go to Barnes and NOble to play with the trains, hit the park for a bit, then do the Stuidoplex Art Walk.  Instead, he just wanted to play football and soccer in the front yard, jump and play in the fallen leaves, play with sticks, and pretend to drive the car.  He had absolutely no interest in actually leaving our driveway.  And he ahd a ball.

What happens to us?  What age is it when nothing is ever enough?  When we're no longer able to appreciate the simplest things in life?  Where does that joy go?

Project Greening My Family

So my family (the adult members, at least) have decided that it would be prudent for us to learn to live more sustainably.  We have embarked on a journey of "greening" ourselves, so to speak.  It has been an interesting journey so far.  We have been reading a ton, have learned a LOT, and are excited about implementing some of the things that we have learned.

So far we've had some successes, and there are some areas where we need more work.  We have taken a big step toward reducing our energy use by cutting off our air conditioning.  We have not used the a/c in about 2 weeks.  This is a big step for us, because August in Georgia is not necessarily a cool weather time.  It really hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be.  For the most part, I usually forget that the a/c is not on.  I think this will ultimately go a long way toward reducing our energy bill as well (which we could really use).  On the other hand, we still really need to be conscious about turning lights off when we're not in the room, or when we just don't really need lights.  We also have to work on turning off appliances when they're not in use.  I have been pretty good at washing our clothes in cold instead of hot water.  This was surprisingly difficult.  I never realized how attached I was to the idea that white clothes had to be washed in hot water.  The next step is to buy greener products.  

The biggest thing for us, in the energy department is going to be turning off the television!  Really, that's an obstacle that is going to be much bigger than just energy.  I think, or rather I am pretty certain, that reducing our television usage will completely change our lifestyle.  I'm working on it.  It really ebbs and flows.  Some days we will watch very little tv, and some days it seems like the thing has been on the whole day.

Speaking of ebbs and flows, the greening of our diet has been another obstacle.  Some weeks are realllllly good, then it will be grocery time and everything will go wrong.  Or there will be some change in our schedule that throws off all that good eating.  This part is so important.  Our diet is entirely too grain based.  We definitely have to shift from a grain based diet to a fruit and vegetable based diet.  My cooking has improved by leaps and bounds, so much so, that I am even impressing myself!  I am currently reading The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, and it is just reinforcing for me how important this shift is!  I want my family to be healthy, and to live in a healthy environment, so that my descendants can be healthy too!  I want to be a part of a shift towards health and wellness in this society, wherein states of dis-ease like diabetes are not normalized.  

I am so looking forward to growing things!  I have pretty much decided on container gardening until we get a place that we feel like we'll be in for more than a year.  That will start soon, I hope.  We also are going to work harder at recycling.  Whenever we start, I think I try to make it a big operation, and we end up falling short.  This time, I think we'll start smaller.  The final thing that we've decided to do is to start reusing.  We've always both really wanted to build and paint things, so instead of paying a lot of money (that we don't have) for things, we'll try to find them used at thrift stores, on freecycle, etc, and then fix them up!  Cheap and environmentally friendly!  Gotta love it!

So Excited!

This morning I attended a gardening workshop over at Truly Living Well Farms.  I learned sooo much!  The farm is amazing!  I am definitely going to start going over there and volunteering.  I really want to get my whole family involved, because I think it will be an amazing learning experience.  If you just drive by, you would never know how much they have going on over there.  They have a greenhouse, they keep bees, they grow vegetables, herbs, and flowers of all types, they have several different kinds of compost, and so on.  I never realized how little I know until I attended this class.  I really kind of knew bits and pieces, but am so glad that I went to this workshop!  I really didn't even know how most of these vegetables grew!  Seeing okra and cucumbers, butternut squash and eggplants, even stevia coming from the ground. . . beautiful, and amazing, and so many other adjectives that I can't think of right now, lol!  It's got me really excited to start a garden, but seriously wondering if I should start one here, since I don't know how long we'll be in this house.  I don't want to put a year's worth of work into a garden, and then have to pick up and start all over again.  Also, I don't want to have any issues with the owner about starting the garden.  I really want to do it in the front yard, where there is so much sunlight, but I know she won't agree to that.  What is people's obsession with grass?  

Ooh!  I also learned that sweet potato greens are supposed to be quite tasty!  Who knew?  I'm going to try it someday, whenever I can get my own garden together.  Maybe I'll start with containers.  That might be the best option for us at this time.  I can't wait to own so that we don't have to worry about these things! 

some interesting sites

www.blackbrowngreen.com

www.federationsoutherncoop.com

Some pics of my future nature lover

It's been almost a year since the last time I blogged. This time around, I won't make any promises about how consistent I'll be, I'll just do what I can.

So much has happened over the past year, it would be crazy to try to recap. I'll just talk about where I am right now. I am working on myself. This may seem evident, I mean, wasn't that the whole point of this blog in the first place? This time around though, I am really looking at the places in my life where my principles don't match my practices. This time around, I am really thinking through effective ways to unite the two. 

I am working on making my dreams come true. I am starting a nonprofit. Boy, is it a learning process! Lots of on-the-job training! I am learning so much, not only about nonprofits, but also about business, money, and people's character. Stay tuned. . . 


I am also working really hard at eating (and feeding my family) well. It's one thing to know what's good for you, and what's not. It's another thing completely to be able to put health before convenience. How do you make healthy eating an integral part of your life? How do you feed a picky 2 year old without giving in and giving up? How do you make everyone happy in a family with different tastes? And how do you do all of this without being wasteful or breaking the bank? Even more, how do you eat in a way that is sustainable, and good for the planet?

All of this focus on healthy eating got me to thinking so much more about food access and justice, sustainable living, buying local and organic, and so on. So that's the next piece, really. I am trying to be more green, live more sustainably, get back to the earth, and bringing my family there with me. I want to raise my son to have an appreciation for the world around him, and to be a part of it, not just admire it from a distance. So I am learning a lot. Scouring the earth (mostly via the internet) for all the resources and info I can find.

So I am working on me by working on these things: 

• cooking more, eating better, and eating out less;
• starting a garden;
• driving less, walking and using public transit more;
• starting my organization;
• getting involved in food justice, environmental justice movements;

• spending more time outside;

• living, learning, reflecting, and doing it all over again.

Look for updates on these things and more in future blogs.

Peace and blessings!
Tamika